So close! I’m inching closer each day. I’m hoping to wrap this up before I leave on my California road trip (leaving this Friday), we’ll see how many plays I can write while I avoid packing and actually preparing for that trip. I thought of today’s play while out for my run this morning.
We’re All Going To Die, a short play
By Rachel Bublitz
CARLY is on stage. She is making notes in her notebook, she stops, checks over her work and puts the notebook down.
CARLY Kim! Kim get in here!
KIM What are you yelling about.
CARLY I’ve got it all written down, what I want. I just need to find out what you want and then I can talk to the lawyers.
KIM I told you I’m not doing it.
KIM It’s morbid.
CARLY It’s inevitable. I’m going to die.
KIM You’re not going to die.
CARLY Kim, you know that’s not true.
KIM You’re not sick. You’re young. You have a lifetime ahead of yourself.
CARLY Until I die.
KIM Carly, remember what your therapist told you. Give it a percentage. Think, how likely is it that I am going to die?
CARLY I have. It’s 100%.
KIM Come on.
CARLY I’m alive. Everything living dies. I’ve known that since I was four years old and my hamster dies. I’m going to die, you are going to die. I’m not saying that it’s going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or the next decade even, but it’s inevitable. I want to know how my body will be laid to rest.
KIM Why do you care?
CARLY I don’t want all those weird chemicals pumped into me, that seems so wasteful and toxic. I don’t want to be in a cemetery. Did you know that cemeteries are running out of space and stacking coffins on top of one another? That’s sick. I don’t want that and the only way that I know that won’t happen is if I put it in our will.
KIM We don’t have to put it in, you just told me. I’ll remember.
CARLY What if we die at the same time? And your mom or my mom has to make all the arrangements?
KIM Oh my God.
CARLY Are you alright?
KIM That would be so hard on them, burying their children. Damn. (Pause) Damnit Carly! Now you’ve ruined my whole day. I won’t be able to get out of my head how hard it would be on my mom if I died. Thanks.
CARLY I didn’t mean to upset you. I just like things planned, organized. What do you think you’ll want when you pass?
KIM Do you promise to drop all of this talk about death?
KIM I don’t know… Coffin I guess?
CARLY There are a lot of other options, are you sure?
KIM What else is there?
CARLY Burial at sea? You love the ocean!
KIM No, too many fish.
KIM I’m afraid of being burned!
CARLY You’ll be dead! You won’t feel anything
KIM I don’t want a cremation. This whole thing is ridiculous, ao I’m allowed to have nonsensical reasons, okay?
CARLY Right. You’re totally right, I’m sorry. So… Well…
KIM I’ll come up with something.
CARLY Like now?
KIM I was going to think about it.
CARLY Can you think about it now? I was planning on dropping all of this off at the lawyers before pilates.
KIM You’re such a pain in the ass, you know that?
CARLY Love you too babe.
KIM Fine… Well…
CARLY Lots of choices.
KIM Stop that!
KIM I’m trying to concentrate, stop talking!
CARLY Right, sorry. Total silence from this moment on… (Pause) You’re still thinking about it, right?
CARLY I just can’t tell if you’re thinking about it, or just pretending to think about it as a ploy to somehow get out of this.
KIM Fine. Here’s my idea… Wooden box, nothing fancy. No chemicals, I want to be put in the ground as soon as possible. But not a cemetery, like a… Just a nice place. Just a nice place with a nice feeling to it. Up in the hills or something. And I’d like a tree planted over me. As a marker. A willow tree. That’s what I want.
CARLY That’s what you want?
KIM Is it bad?
CARLY It’s perfect!
CARLY takes out her notebook again and starts to cross everything out.
KIM What are you doing?
CARLY I want that too, just like that. You’re good at this.
KIM So, we’re done?
KIM I’d be crushed if you died. Destroyed.
CARLY I know, that’s why we need a plan.
End of play.