No matter what the waiting is, it has to be the hardest part of most things. Whether you’re waiting to see if you’ve been accepted into a festival or show, or waiting at your play sitting there before the lights go down wondering, “Will the audience come with me, or rise up against me?” Waiting is just rough. Right now I’m waiting to hear back from two festivals that I have high hopes for… And waiting to see the kickstarter video we made Sunday for The Fantasy Club… And waiting to find out if Horny Like The Wolf will move on to the final round and get produced this fall with Sonoma Stage Works… And so, I wait. I wonder. I hope. There are people out there who can put the waiting out of their mind and just concentrate on that which is at hand… And there are also people that I think take the waiting time and maybe even enjoy it a bit; imagining all that could be before the results are released. Neither of these are me. I imagine what could be, for sure, and I hope that what will be will be good for me, but until I know for sure the hoping doesn’t really bring me pleasure, just anxiety. I know that waiting is a big part of theatre; as an actor I remember waiting to see if I got a call back, waiting to see if I was cast… But I don’t think I as affected by this waiting. Writing means more to me, and so the stakes are higher, which makes the waiting that much more painful! Oy.

And, oddly enough, when I am turned down for things, even things I really really want, I feel like the waiting to be turned down was worse than the getting turned down. When you’re rejected it’s done. It’s over, you regroup and try again… The trouble with waiting, is that you still have all the hope and all of the dreams, and there’s nothing to do with all of that energy because you haven’t gotten the thing you wish to shove it in to yet.

And real life waiting is hard too! Waiting to have a baby was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I had to wait 40 weeks for that to happen, twice! Waiting before you move, before school starts, before a new job…

Sigh.

But there’s nothing really I can do or change, so I will try my best to wait, and see what will be…