Still not quite ready for the big-big news (check back tomorrow for that), but since NO MAP has a draft out it’s time for me to start working on my next full length play for the year. And for that I’m going to be bothering some of you. My next full length is a yet-to-be-titled play about guys and friendship and male body image. I have yet to write a full length with only male characters, and so I expect this to be quite the exciting/terrifying challenge, which brings me to you… I have questions, research for the upcoming play, and I need your answers. You as in the dudes who read this. If you are a dude or a bro or a guy or all of the above, expect to hear from me. I’m planning on taking folks out for coffee and asking them questions, or bothering you over the phone, or as a last resort over email or possibly through an online survey if I can figure that out. Anyway, you should expect me and my (probably) painless questions. AND if you don’t hear from me but want in on this super fun interview/research stuff, email me, I’d love to hear from you: Rnbublitz@gmail.com

THANKS!

One month of 2017 is over and we’re (mostly) still here. I was busy all last month trying to push out my first draft of NO MAP, (which I did!) but I also filled any down time with sending plays out to folks. I don’t have an exact goal for submissions this year, with writing six new full-length I wanted to give myself a break on submissions if I needed it. But if the rest of the year goes like January, I won’t need a break; after crunching the numbers looks like I sent forty two scripts last month. FORTY TWO.

I am a firm believer than no matter how good you are at writing, getting things picked up is a game of numbers. The more you send out, the more chances you have to get in. So I’m really hoping to keep up this momentum all year.

And I have another big thing on the horizon! A new opportunity popped up yesterday that I’m over-the-moon about. I can’t say yet because things aren’t official, but I will say that it looks like I’m about to be very very busy. Make sure to look out for the exciting news next week!

All right, let’s do this February!

Just typed my favorite three words, “end of play,” on my first draft of NO MAP! It is probably the biggest mess of a first draft I’ve ever written, but it’s finished and I never have to write the first draft of this play again. I’ve been wanting to write a road trip play for a while now, and while I know it needs a fun-ton of work to get it in any kind of submission ready shape, I’m proud that I got this one out because this play that fought me the whole freaking time. Now to find some kind souls who can lend me their vocal talents for a few hours so I can find out just how much of a hot-mess it really is.

One out of six plays down for 2017! BOOM!

Last night Salt Lake Acting Company hosted an in-house reading of RIPPED. It was part of their Starving Students program, which by the way, if you’re a student in the area you should be 100% taking advantage of this program; it includes discount tickets to show (super discounted), as well as master classes throughout the semester. Last night was one of those master classes, the students all got the script ahead of time and showed up ready to read. We drew names out of a hat to get our actors and dove right in.

For a cold read of not the easiest script, in regards to content as well as how much the main character talks, they nailed it. I was so impressed! Something that I’d not thought of before was how much having age appropriate actors in the roles would affect the script. I’ve always used mid-twenty to thirty-ish aged actors who looked younger, and never thought twice about it. But seeing people barely out of their teens, people who are still forming into adults, bump into one another through the the story was heartbreaking and made the point of the play hit much harder. Following the reading we had a discussion and they impressed me all over again with their questions ranging from specifics about the play to process and craft. It was helpful to hear how close this play hit to home with them. Basically I’m saying it was a fantastic night and if this is how Salt Lake Company rolls, I can’t wait for another chance to work with them.

I’m not sure what’s next for RIPPED, for now I’ll keep sending it out like a crazy woman because I believe it’s a play people need to see. And don’t worry, as soon as it’s something that you can see, I’ll be sure to let you know all about it.

I wrote MY BODY back in 2012 for an evening benefitting Planned Parenthood hosted by Playwrights’ Center of San Francisco called Repro Rights!. It went on to be performed around the country and is currently published in Smith and Kraus’ The Best Ten-Minute Plays 2014 ten-minute play anthology.

MY BODY by Rachel Bublitz

CHARACTERS:

Laura, female, 35-55, has an authoritative presence.

Patrick, male, 28-35.

Sally, female, 20-30.

LAURA’s government office. LAURA is on stage. LAURA presses the button on her intercom.

LAURA

Sally, please send in my next appointment.

PATRICK enters. PATRICK wears a robotic looking collar around his neck.

LAURA (CONTINUED)

Good afternoon, my name is Laura Goodman. I’ll be reviewing your case today.

PATRICK

Good afternoon.

LAURA

You want approval for the permanent removal of your collar, correct?

PATRICK

Yes ma’am.

LAURA

And you have all of your paperwork in order?

PATRICK

Yes ma’am, it’s all there.

LAURA

Please sit down. It’s nice to see such a young man with his priorities straight. Well, hand over your paperwork.

PATRICK hands LAURA a thick questionnaire. LAURA reads through it.

PATRICK

I’ve included three letters of recommendation, instead the minimum of two.

LAURA

I see, very nice. Patrick Hill, is it?

PATRICK

Yes.

LAURA

This is very well organized. I can tell that you took the time. You’d be amazed at how many botched applications I get in here everyday.

PATRICK

I can only imagine.

LAURA turns the first page and begins to read the second page.

LAURA

Steady income, you’ve been teaching for seven years?

PATRICK

That’s correct.

LAURA

What grade do you teach?

PATRICK

Second grade.

LAURA

Like the little ones, do you?

PATRICK

I do.

LAURA

That’s nice. And I see you passed all of the disease screenings.

PATRICK

There were a lot of tests.

LAURA

We’re very serious about what we do here.

PATRICK

I can see that.

LAURA turns to the next page in the paperwork.

LAURA

Oh, there seems to be a mistake here.

PATRICK

There is?

LAURA

Are you married?

PATRICK

No.

LAURA

Engaged?

PATRICK

No.

LAURA

Are you homosexual?

PATRICK

No.

Pause.

LAURA

Is this some sort of practical joke?

PATRICK

I’m sorry?

LAURA

Did Sally put you up to this?

PATRICK

Sally?

LAURA

My assistant. She thinks she has a great sense of humor.

PATRICK

Sally has nothing to do with this. I’m here to have my collar removed.

LAURA

Do you not understand what we do here, Mr. Hill?

PATRICK

I know perfectly well.

LAURA

Then I don’t see how you thought you could just waltz in here without a marriage certificate and think that we’d approve your application.

LAURA opens a drawer to retrieve a “rejected” stamp and proceeds to stamp his application.

PATRICK

I just thought-

LAURA

That your three letters of recommendation would sway me? You obviously underestimated how serious we take collar removal. Please take your application and leave my office. I have serious applications I need to review.

PATRICK

It’s not right.

LAURA

What did you just say?

PATRICK

The collars. It’s not fair.

LAURA

Fair? You’re talking to me about fair? Are you familiar with our figures Mr. Hill? Since collars have been implemented, we’ve eradicated sexually transmitted disease. Rape and sexual abuse is down 99%, and there aren’t any repeat offenders. Molestation is down 98%. These collars make the world a better place.

PATRICK

But at what cost?

LAURA

What cost? Nothing is more important than the safety of the women and children in this country. You should understand that, being a teacher.

PATRICK

I agree that sexual abuse is wrong, but can you really punish the masses for the mistakes of the few?

LAURA

You categorize rape merely as a mistake?

PATRICK

I think rape is wrong, obviously, and-

LAURA

And child molestation? Is that just another mistake to you? What grade do you teach again?

PATRICK

Second. But I would never-

LAURA

I know you wouldn’t. You can’t. For the good of us all.

PATRICK

But I have rights!

LAURA

James 1:14, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.” Giving into your lust and self satisfying is a sin. Besides, abandoning your seed is an abomination! Child abandonment.

PATRICK

It’s not a child, it’s just… It’s just biological waste.

LAURA

It’s a potential child. Do you know how many unwanted children are born every year in this country?

PATRICK

None.

LAURA

That’s right. Zero. The only country in the world. Children today are born into families that have the resources to care for them. The high school drop out rate is nonexistent, and we are at 100% literacy. A far cry from the archaic ways of our past.

PATRICK

But it’s my body! Don’t I have a say in the matter?

LAURA

Now I know this is a joke. Your body? Are you serious with this rhetoric?

PATRICK

Very serious. It is my body, I have the right to do whatever I want with it.

LAURA

Oh Mr. Hill, it’s much too important a choice for us to let you decide it on your own. I mean, every day, day in and out, it’s just too much of a temptation for men.

PATRICK

I’m an adult! I vote, this is my body! Mine! You can’t tell me what I can and cannot do with it. I demand that you remove my collar. Remove it now! Right now! I can make good choices, I will make good choices. But it’s my body, let me make my own choices!

LAURA

Oh you poor dear. The government has decided that you don’t have the mental capacity to make to follow the correct path on your own, and rightly so. We had to take charge. It’s for your own good.

PATRICK

But-

LAURA

No buts. Just listen. You have been rejected for collar removal today. Unless you want me to call security, I recommend you leave my office. You should know if I do call security I will stamp your application with my “permanently rejected” stamp. Which will make you ineligible for collar removal.

PATRICK

You have the power to permanently reject me?

LAURA

Oh yes, we also have much more permanent methods for containment.

PATRICK

What would… No, you couldn’t.

LAURA

It’s not pretty Patrick. Go on, get out of here. Go and meet a nice girl, come back when you’re settled. You are an excellent candidate, your application was very well organized and we appreciate that. With a wife I’m sure you’ll be approved.

PATRICK

Alright.

LAURA

There’s a good boy. I’m sure a fine looking man such as yourself won’t have a hard time finding a woman.

PATRICK

What? Oh, right. Thanks… It’s torture, what you’re doing. You’re torturing half of the population.

LAURA

I would love to chat, but I really need to get to my next appointment. Thank you for your time.

PATRICK

But-

LAURA

Remember your manners.

PATRICK

I’m sorry for wasting your time. It was nice to meet you too.

PATRICK exits. LAURA pushes the button on her intercom.

LAURA

Sally once you see Mr. Hill out please step into my office.

SALLY enters.

SALLY

Yes?

LAURA

Did Mr. Hill give you any trouble on the way out?

SALLY

No, he just wandered off. He was rejected?

LAURA

He isn’t married, not even engaged.

SALLY

You’re kidding.

LAURA

I thought it was your job to review these applications and weed out the bozos.

SALLY

Laura, they’re men, they’re all bozos.

LAURA

In the future, I expect more professionalism on your part. That application never should have reached my desk.

SALLY

You’re absolutely right, it won’t happen again.

LAURA

You’ll be out of a job if it does, do you hear me?

SALLY

Yes ma’am.

LAURA

Real uppity piece of work that one. Self righteous, you know? He said he wanted control over his body. Like it was his right or something. As if we can trust men to function in society with a working penis.

SALLY

He can’t help it Laura. After all, he’s only a man.

SALLY exits.

End of play.

Stay Strong.

Stay Sharp.

Stay Safe.

Are you ready to hear the fantastic news of the day? Great! Yesterday I signed the contract making a commission from the Egyptian Theatre official! One of the 6 plays I’ll be writing this year will be silly, campy, and packed with girl power, and it’ll be titled: CHEERLEADERS VS ALIENS. Yep, you read right. Cheerleaders fighting aliens. Last year I decided that I wanted to tackle a full length play for high school kids so I starting thinking about a play I’d have liked to have had the option of doing when I was a young theater nerd, and fighting aliens, or playing an alien was the obvious answer.

I’ll be writing the play this Spring with a week long workshop scheduled with the Egyptian Youtheatre for this summer. The play is already scheduled to be produced in the Spring of 2018. Can you imagine? A play that’s still just a thought in my head has been scheduled for production! I’m thrilled and excited and I can’t wait to get to cracking on this sci-fi adventure.

Now with the beans good and spilled I’ve got to get back to writing, don’t know if you noticed but I’m a little busy this year.

And the news just keeps on coming, I’m delighted to announce that one of the six plays I’m writing this year will be for Quantum Dragon Theatre’s The Forge! The Forge is all about new play development, and will be giving this new play a developmental reading, offer dramaturgical support, and host a staged reading sometime this coming Fall. I love having early homes for plays AND having more reasons for visiting San Francisco. This satisfies both, it’s perfect!

The play I’ll be developing is tentatively called “Happily” and will have a similar style to “Of Serpents & Sea Spray”, mixing and mashing reality and fantasy life. “Happily” will focus on a single mom trying to support herself and her child while still finding time for creativity and maybe even true love.

And “Happily” isn’t the only play for this year’s Forge, I’m thrilled to be joined in this program with new plays by Claire Ann Rice, Christina Bauer, and Jennifer Lynne Roberts.

More info on the plays, the dates for the readings, and all sorts of other good stuff will come soon, so stay tuned!

Very excited to announce the next thing for RIPPED, Salt Lake Acting Company is hosting an in-house reading of the play with their starving artist program. We’ll be reading the play with all college students, and mostly college students in the room. I can’t wait to see what their take on the play is, especially compared to the surprising reaction I got from the San Francisco Playhouse reading this past October.

With six new full length plays to write and with it already being the fifth day of the new year, I had better get cracking. Up first: NO MAP; three college friends on a after graduation road trip before they spread out in the world and start their adult lives. I’m excited for the challenge of writing a play which takes place only in and around a car, well at least that’s the plan for now, we’ll see how close I stick to it.

And now, time for some writing!