Last year I was blown away by BOA 12, see my blog post here, and that’s why I’m so excited that this year All Terrain Theater is a producing partner for BOA 13 (Bay One Acts Festival)! BOA kicked off their Kickstarter Campaign yesterday, I gave and so should you!

It is a great theater community builder, and the festival is always not to be missed. You have until September 17th to donate, but don’t wait! Watch the video, donate, and tell your friends!

You will not regret it.

Here’s the link one more time:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/boa-x/2013-bay-one-acts-festival-boa

Check out this super fun postcard Rob Dario (the actor who played Jacob in The Fantasy Club) did! Isn’t it awesome? I’m a big fan.

If you’re catching this on facebook, click through to see the awesome.

Thanks Rob!

About to head off the the zoo with my kids! Thought I’d post this before I go… This is my 29th play, The Beach for the 31 Plays in 31 Days challenge. I’m done writing my plays, and now I’m posting random plays here throughout the month. This is a play that I think has some potential… I didn’t read it through after I wrote it, so there will be mistakes… Plenty of them. I’m human.

The Beach, a ten-minute play by Rachel Bublitz

Characters:

Franny, f, 30-40s, any race.

Liz, f, 30-40s, any race.

Setting:

The beach.

A beach. FRANNY and LIZ lay on beach towels. THEY wear bathing suits, and are each reading a book or magazine.

FRANNY Such a gorgeous day.

LIZ I know. We lucked out.

FRANNY I lucked out. Thanks for dragging me with you.

LIZ Any time, Franny.

FRANNY I’m supposed to be doing laundry right now.

LIZ This is better.

FRANNY Absolutely. Absolutely, 100% correct… It’s weird not being here with my kids though.

LIZ Oh?

FRANNY Yeah, they’d be playing in the sand or the water, laughing, playing…

LIZ Dumping water down your back, getting sand all over your towel, stressing you out.

FRANNY Weird in a good way.

LIZ Good.

FRANNY It does make me feel a tiny bit guilty. They love the beach.

LIZ Take them this weekend.

FRANNY I could… But it won’t be like this during the weekend, it’ll be backed with people! And that would just make having them here even more stressful…. Parking would be a nightmare…. And Mark would be NO help.

LIZ Then just sit back and enjoy yourself.

FRANNY You’re right, I will.

FRANNY starts to read again.

FRANNY (CONTINUED) Liz?

LIZ Yeah?

FRANNY Do you ever think about what it would be like I were to die?

LIZ Um… No.

FRANNY Oh? I think what it would be like if you passed. How hard it would be on Donald, and the kids…. I’d look out for them. I’d make them meals, and make sure everyone brushed their teeth. I’d do that for you.

LIZ Well thanks. I’d do that for you too.

FRANNY It would be hard.

LIZ Right.

FRANNY Because I’d be so sad. But I’d be strong. Stoic. You have to be in times of crisis. I thin women, especially women that have had kids, are best prepared in those times. When little Elizabeth had to be in the hospital, with the RSV… She was… She was a peanut! Two weeks old. Had to be on a breathing machine…. It was awful… Mark couldn’t even come into the hospital. He never saw her all hooked up. Said he couldn’t. I did. I spent every minute with her in that room. The whole week…. He couldn’t do it. But, I think we’re made for that sort of thing.

LIZ I could see that.

FRANNY It’s why I think a woman would make an excellent president. You know what I mean?

LIZ Yeah, sure.

FRANNY I wonder if Hilary is planning on running. She has my vote, I don’t know about you…. I think she’d have a lot of votes.

LIZ lays down on her blanket.

FRANNY (CONTINUED) You listening?

LIZ Oh yeah, I’m just going to put my head down for a few minutes.

FRANNY It’s just nice getting to actually talk. I feel like all day long I’m talked at. “Mom, where’s my unicorn sweater?” “Mom, I’m hungry.” “Mom, what’s five times three?” It never stops!

LIZ Tell me about it.

FRANNY And then when Mark gets home, you’d think I’d have a minute to myself, but no… Mark is like another child. “Honey, where’s the remote to the TV?” “Honey, did you iron my blue shirt?” “What’s for dinner, honey?”

LIZ Donald is the same way.

FRANNY How do you put up with it?

LIZ I come to the beach!

LIZ puts a towel or hat over her face.

FRANNY That’s smart. I might have to join you more often. You’re kinda the best, Liz.

LIZ I know.

FRANNY … I do relax sometimes…. I mean other than right now.

LIZ Oh?

FRANNY Well, you know how much I work out. I know it’s not for everyone, buy working out really relaxes me. I go to a woman’s only gym, and the atmosphere is incredible. So many powerful, confidant woman taking care of their bodies. It’s beautiful. And there’s no weird man machismo energy in their messing with our minds. It’s like an oasis. I go every day. I have to, or I just wouldn’t get anything done. They’re funny too, the women. Well, some of them are. I don’t know them all, obviously… But the ones that I have met are just salt-of-the-earth type of people, you know? There’s this one lady there, Jennifer. She’s… You’d love her right away. She’s just so relaxed all the time. No kids, no husband, and loving every minute of it. Do you ever feel… Do you ever regret getting married and having your girls? I love my kids, but sometimes… There are days I wish I could be as free as Jennifer is. She has nothing holding her to anything. She could pick up tomorrow and move to France. France, Liz! I’ve never been to France… She’s pretty too, Jennifer, is I mean. Beautiful, really. Can I… Can I confide something in you? This is top secret though, never a word to a soul, got it?… Sometimes I think maybe I’d be happier if I hadn’t married Mark… Sometimes I think, I’d have been happier with a woman. I’m mean, I’m not a lesbian, or anything like that. No. I just think a woman, would make a nice partner in life. And they’re so soft, and understanding… Maybe I am a lesbian…. I think I might be kind of a lesbian. I have… I have a longing for Jennifer- Does that offend you? I just realized that if you fell in love with a woman I’d be a little miffed that it wasn’t me. I love you Liz, I just don’t think of you like that, I hope you understand. You are very attractive, don’t get me wrong, but… You don’t get me going, not like Jennifer does… She was working out one morning, I’d seen her around for probably six months, when I finally got the courage to talk to her. I asked her if I could use the free weights when she was done… She handed me the weight and my body exploded. I almost had an orgasm right there in the middle of the gym! Can you imagine? Obviously, I was mortified… And I made sure not to touch her after that… I don’t see her these days. She usually gets in at 9, so I’ve been making sure to be done well before then. I just… It’s not right. I mean, even if you ignore the whole lesbian thing… I’m married. She asked me out. She didn’t know I was married, I take off my ring to work out, it’s so bulky. But that’s when I switched my work out to earlier. It’s sad… But sometimes I wait in the parking lot until I see her car pull in. Then I can wave to her as our cars pass and I try to say something clever like, “Beat you again!” But really I want to yell, “Let’s run away to France!”… Is this all terribly shocking to you Liz? I hope I haven’t put you into an uncomfortable situation. I know that you are fond of Mark… And I’m not going to leave him, I wouldn’t. I can’t…. But when things are quiet, like now, like right here at the beach… I think of how quiet my life would be if I were living with Jennifer, the love of my life, yes I’m fairly certain that she is the love of my life, and well, I just think that’s too bad. It’s just too bad, and it’s just bad timing. You know?… Liz?

FRANNY removes the towel or hat from LIZ’s face?

LIZ Hm? You say something?

FRANNY You’re sleeping!

LIZ I just nodded off for a second. You were talking about running or something?

FRANNY Go back to sleep.

LIZ I’m sorry, what were you saying?

FRANNY Nothing. Really… We should do this more often.

LIZ I completely agree.

End of play.

Moving back in time folks. Today I’m presenting you with my 23rd play in the 31 Plays in 31 Days challenge, it’s called Father’s Birthday. Enjoy!

Father’s Birthday a short play by Rachel Bublitz

Characters:

Father, m, 35-50, any race.

Mother, f, 35-50, any race.

Daughter, f, 15-18, any race.

Son, m, 10-14, any race.

Setting:

A dining room.

A dinning room. FATHER, MOTHER, DAUGHTER, and SON all sit down for dinner.

DAUGHTER Dinner is delicious!

SON Sure is!

FATHER Thanks kids! I love providing healthy and nutritious meals for my family!

MOTHER Would you mind grabbing some salt for me, dear?

FATHER Salt?

MOTHER Yeah.

FATHER Salt isn’t healthy!

MOTHER Well this needs something.

FATHER stands.

FATHER Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?

FATHER takes everyone’s plates, piles them onto the main dish in the middle, picks it all up and exits with the dishes.

SON Nice going, mom.

DAUGHTER Yeah, real sensitive.

MOTHER I’m sick of eating this crap, okay?

We hear a loud crash. SON exits after FATHER, after a moment, SON enters.

SON Dad through everything on the floor.

MOTHER Again?

DAUGHTER Should have kept your mouth shut.

MOTHER I just asked for a little salt. IS THAT SO WRONG?

FATHER enters.

FATHER Farewell children, I am leaving the house.

SON Come on, dad.

FATHER It’s true this time. I’m leaving FOREVER!

FATHER moves to exit. MOTHER blocks his way.

MOTHER Babe, sit down.

FATHER I’m sick of you undermining me! I want to go where I’m appreciated, where I’m loved.

DAUGHTER I love you daddy!

FATHER You don’t count!

MOTHER Now you need to relax. I love you.

FATHER Prove it.

MOTHER I was going to wait until after dinner…. But…

FATHER What? Did you get me something? Did you? Did you? Did you? Did you?

MOTHER Check the kitchen.

FATHER exits. A moment later FATHER enters with a small wrapped present.

FATHER Oh, I thought you had forgotten my birthday!

MOTHER I wanted it to be a surprise. Go on, open it!

FATHER opens the present, it is a pearl necklace.

FATHER PEARLS?

MOTHER You like them?

FATHER They’re magnificent! Come here son, help me get this on!

SON goes to FATHER, and puts the necklace on HIM.

DAUGHTER They look great.

SON Beautiful!

MOTHER Happy birthday!

FATHER I don’t know what to say!

FATHER starts to cry.

SON I sure hope I find a lady willing to put up with all my mood swings when I grow up!

FATHER You will son, if you’re lucky like me.

FATHER, SON, DAUGHTER, and MOTHER embrace.

FATHER (CONTINUED) Now who wants a pizza?

End of play.

Getting closer to that magically number 31! This was one of my first plays that I wrote with a specific actor in mind… That is a fun way to do things, and I highly recommend it. Go and see local shows and get to know your local talent!

*Don’t read this if you are offended by clowns.

Rainbow The Clown by Rachel Bublitz

Characters:

Rainbow, m/f, 36, any race. A sad, tired, drunk clown.

RAINBOW is on stage and is drunk. RAINBOW drinks from a flask throughout the monologue.

RAINBOW

When I was six years old my pops paid a clown to come and entertain the kids for my birthday party. Maybe that’s what got me into this whole clown thing. I don’t know. I know when I was six, that clown was the scariest thing I ever saw! I wet myself every night for weeks. Bozo was his name, or something equally unoriginal. Smelled like an armpit, and hugged me real tight, because, after all it was my birthday.

RAINBOW shudders.

RAINBOW (CONTINUED)

Now you’re wondering, why, why, why, why, if this clown scared me so deeply, would I myself become a clown? That, my friend is the million dollar question. Why did I become a clown? Why did I become a clown? WHY DID I BECOME A CLOWN? A clown. A clown! A CLOWN!… Well, I hate myself. You should know that straight off the bat. But, I’d like to think, I’d hope that I’m not as terrifying as that bastard was thirty years ago. I mean, today… Today wasn’t such a great day, I’ll be honest… And yeah, shoot me, yesterday probably wasn’t so hot. But, like years ago, I was a damn fine clown. I called myself Rainbow… Rainbow the clown. It might not set the world on fire, but it’s a lot more creative than Bozo. And I used to make the best balloon animals, and not stink so much of liquor… And I’m gonna get back there. I’m gonna get back to the good clown place.

RAINBOW drinks.

RAINBOW (CONTINUED)

I mean, not right now… Obviously. Today has sailed if you know what I mean. Anyway, kid… Thanks for having me at your party, you’re a straight shooter, and I appreciate it. And if you find yourself traumatized by this whole thing, know you’re not the only one. At least half a dozen of your friends are probably gonna piss themselves tonight in bed. And you know, me. I mean, I’m not afraid of myself all the time…. But I do tend to avoid mirrors. It’s a bitch to get this makeup on, let me tell you…. Anyway, I’m gonna bounce, before the cops get here. Tell your folks to give me a good review on yelp, k?

RAINBOW exits. End.

And now a one-minute play I call Self Defense. This one was a lot of fun to write.

Self Defense a one-minute play by Rachel Bublitz

Characters:

Iris, f, 25 – 65, any race.

Helen, f, 25 – 65, any race.

Jamison, m, 35 – 85, any race.

Setting:

A kitchen.

IRIS is on stage, HELEN enters.

HELEN I came as fast as I could.

IRIS It will not do a bit of good. He is going to die.

HELEN But I brought the antidote! You are saved!

HELEN gives IRIS a small vile.

IRIS Alas he lies lifeless on the floor! I called upon you too late!

HELEN Pull it together! There may still be hope. Where does he lay?

IRIS Behind the sofa in the big room, when I checked upon him last his breath was only slight.

JAMISON enters, goes to IRIS, and puts HIS hands around IRIS’ throat.

JAMISON You think a little poison can kill me?

IRIS Helen! HELP!

HELEN takes out a gun and shoots JAMISON. JAMISON dies.

HELEN He’s dead.

IRIS Yes. But now we are back to the original problem.

HELEN No, my dear, now it is self defense.

End of play.

I know… It’s only the 15th and this post is all about play #20… I’m trying to finish early, okay guys? Take it easy.

Here’s the 20th play in the 31 Plays in 31 Days challenge:

*Oh, and there are swear words in here, you should know that in case you object to swearing…

The Bear Switch, a short play by Rachel Bublitz

Characters:

Carol, 30 – 60s, f, any race

Glen, 30 – 60s, m, any race

Bear

Setting:

A camp ground in a forest.

A camp in a forest. CAROL sits, building a fire. GLEN enters at a run.

GLEN BEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GLEN exits at a run. Moment. GLEN re-enters.

GLEN (CONTINUED) RUN! CAROL, come on let’s GO! THERE’S A BEAR! A BEAR! Are you deaf? Carol?

CAROL Hush your face, I hear you just fine.

GLEN Get up! We have to run!

CAROL Why exactly?

GLEN THERE’S A FUCKING BEAR!

BEAR enters.

BEAR ROAR!

GLEN SHIT!

CAROL Oh, hello!

BEAR Roar.

CAROL You’re right on time!

BEAR nods HIS head.

GLEN You are talking to a BEAR? What is going on?

CAROL You remember how I said I was married before?

GLEN Um… Yeah…

CAROL This is my husband.

GLEN HUSBAND?

CAROL We were camping… Here, in this forest.

GLEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

BEAR moves aggressively toward GLEN.

BEAR ROAR!

CAROL I’d keep your voice down if I were you. And mind the f-bombs, Mike hates cursing.

GLEN MIKE?

CAROL My husband…. The bear!

GLEN I’m going to go now.

GLEN moves to exit.

CAROL Oh, I’m sorry, you can’t.

BEAR grabs GLEN and holds him.

GLEN But-

CAROL (Interrupting) I’m sorry, you look so confused. I’ll back up… Mike and I were here on vacation. Minding our own business…. Or so we thought.

BEAR ROAR!

CAROL I know, I know… But he deserves an explanation. Anyway, so we were camping, doing out thing, when in the night a witch came upon our campground. We were on the spot her husband was buried. And she was PISSED!… And, understandably, sure… But she should have invested in a grave stone or something, I mean how were we supposed to know?

GLEN Okay… What does that have to do with me.

CAROL It was five years ago. She said, the only way to reverse the spell was for us both to come back to the spot in five years… And…. Well have someone take his place.

GLEN Take his place?

CAROL That’s where you come in.

GLEN Wait!

CAROL Sorry.

GLEN No! I told you I loved you!

CAROL I know, it was so sweet.

GLEN But I bought you a ring, I was going to propose. And if it wasn’t for Mike, I’d have said yes. Really, you’re a great guy.

BEAR ROAR!

CAROL We’ll talk about it later, alright? I did what I had to baby.

GLEN So you tricked me into coming here and-

CAROL (Interrupting) Sh! It’s midnight! LOOK!

A strange light comes over both BEAR and GLEN, they fall to the floor in pain. GLEN turns into a bear, and BEAR turns into a human male, MIKE.

MIKE CAROL!

CAROL and MIKE kiss.

GLEN BEAR RRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!

CAROL We have to run! Let’s go!

GLEN BEAR stops CAROL and MIKE from leaving.

GLEN BEAR ROAR!

CAROL I’m sorry, I don’t… I had to save my husband!

GLEN BEAR eats CAROL.

MIKE NOOOOO!!!!!!!! You killed Carol! That was the love of my life! I’ll kill you!

GLEN BEAR eats MIKE. End of play.

I am not at all sure how someone could make a person turn into a bear, and have a bear turn into a person on stage, but I’m just the playwright… That’s not really my job.

This year, part of my strategy for writing 31 plays, is to use themes that come up often, like winter holiday plays, or spooky plays, or plays in a bar! Yes, I’m hoping very much that San Francisco Theater Pub has Pint Sized again next year, because I already have my play ready for them!

Here’s play #14 in the 31 Plays in 31 Days challenge:

My Night With A Hooker, a ten-minute play by Rachel Bublitz

Characters:

Fred, m, 25 – 40, any race.

Lola, f, 25 – 40, any race.

Setting:

A bar in San Francisco

FRED sits at a bar. LOLA enters and finds a seat at a table. FRED immediately sees LOLA, and tries to look dashing.

FRED (To unseen bartender) Two beers!

Two beers appear in front of FRED. FRED takes the beers and sits next to LOLA. FRED (CONTINUED) I think this belongs to you.

FRED hands LOLA a beer.

LOLA Well aren’t you a smooth one.

FRED I try to be.

LOLA Thanks for the beer.

FRED My pleasure.

THEY drink.

FRED (CONTINUED) So… What brings you in here?

LOLA The bar? To drink.

FRED Right! Good. Me too.

FRED drinks.

FRED (CONTINUED) I work around the corner from here. At a hotel…. Up at the front desk. You could say I’m a concierge… That’s actually exactly what I am, a concierge…. It’s nice, meet new people all the time. I mean, sometimes the customers are a-holes, but what are you gonna do, right?

LOLA drinks. FRED drinks.

FRED (CONTINUED) Mostly they’re not though… The customers… The people who stay at the hotel. Mostly they’re just, you know, people visiting…. Coming to San Francisco for the first time. “Hey man, do you know where Fisherman’s Wharf is?” I get asked that about 1,000 times a day, kinda drives me crazy, but what can you do about it, right? There’s nothing really…. I could get another job, I guess. I could… I don’t know what else I’d do…. I could work at Old Navy, but something tells me they get asked the same thing over there. And they probably don’t get paid so great…. Not that I make a ton of money, and not that I don’t make any money. I’m good. I make the perfect amount of money for me. Make enough to pay rent, and eat, and… And sometimes I buy a pretty lady a drink after work… So, that’s enough money for me.

FRED drinks.

FRED (CONTINUED) So… What do you do? Oh! I’m Fred by the way.

FRED holds out his hand to LOLA. LOLA shakes FRED’s hand.

LOLA Lola.

FRED Lola?

LOLA Lola.

FRED You look like a Lola.

LOLA Oh?

FRED Trouble… Sexy, sexy trouble.

LOLA Hm….

FRED Sorry, that sounded creepy. You’re very pretty. Like, super model pretty. Like, prettiest girl I ever laid eyes on pretty. I mean, you are flat our beautiful, did you know that?

LOLA Thank you.

FRED So, Lola, what do you do?

FRED drinks.

LOLA I’m a prostitute.

FRED spits out his drink. FRED laughs.

FRED I’m sorry, did I get any of that on you? You had me for a second. Seriously though, what do you do?

LOLA I get paid to suck men’s dicks.

FRED Are you… Are youserious?

LOLA Sometimes other stuff too, but yeah, mostly blow jobs.

FRED Wow.

LOLA I guess most women out there don’t like it, so when men are out here on business, or just here in general… Well they pay a high premium for it. Especially because I’ll all girl. Lots of trannies in this town. And well, don’t get me wrong, there is a large market for that. But there is something to be said about the real deal. And I’m very good.

FRED Oh yeah?

LOLA Very good.

FRED drinks.

FRED So… Um… If you don’t mind me asking… Not because I want to pay… Not that I wouldn’t, not that I would… I’m just… I’m just curious about how much… I don’t know if this is an okay question to ask.

LOLA You want to know how much I charge?

FRED Well, yeah… Not for any reason… I’m just curious.

FRED drinks.

LOLA $1,000 an hour.

FRED spits his drink out.

FRED Holy moly! Oh, I’m sorry, I spit in your face again! Wowzers though. $1,000 an hour! Do they… Does it take that long?

LOLA Not usually with my tricks, but one grand is my minimum.

FRED Okay, I have another question for you.

LOLA Shoot.

LOLA drinks.

FRED Did… Were you abused or-

LOLA (Interrupting) I had a lovely childhood, with two lovely parents.

FRED Hm…

LOLA What?

FRED I just don’t know why you’d… You know… For money, if that were the case.

LOLA Does it help that it’s a lot of money?

FRED Not really.

FRED drinks.

LOLA Well it is a lot of money, and plus, I love giving head, so there’s that.

FRED spits out his drink.

LOLA (CONTINUED) Just give me that.

LOLA takes FRED’s beer.

FRED Sorry, again… For the spitting. You just keep surprising me.

LOLA It’s fine, bodily fluids are a hazard of the trade.

FRED I guess they would be, yeah… Hold up, if you get paid all this money, and you look this hot… What are you doing here? I imagine you could be at one of those hoity-toity bars getting hit on by millionaires?

LOLA Do you like to hang out on the corner of Market and Powell giving directions to tourists when you’re done with work?

FRED Well… No.

LOLA Neither do I.

FRED Cool.

LOLA drinks.

FRED (CONTINUED) So then… You’re just here to….

LOLA Drink. Meet new people, just like you, socialize and all that.

FRED I am new people. And, I am not a millionaire.

LOLA Well I know where Fisherman’s Wharf is.

FRED Ha. I bet you do…. I didn’t mean that like… I just meant, you live here, so… So, yeah, obviously, you’d know where it is. San Francisco 101 really, not because you’re a prostitute. That’s not why I think you’d know-

LOLA (Interrupting) I got it.

FRED Think I could get my beer back?

LOLA Promise not to spit it on me again?

FRED Well… I can’t promise that. I’ll try not to though.

LOLA hands FRED his beer. FRED drinks.

LOLA Safe to talk?

FRED It’s down the hatch.

LOLA I think you’re sexy.

FRED Shut the front door! Are you serious? You are so lucky that I swallowed!

LOLA laughs.

FRED (CONTINUED) What?

LOLA Nothing, industry joke.

FRED Right.

LOLA But it’s true, you’re a good looking man.

FRED drinks, swallows.

FRED Thank you.

LOLA You have a girlfriend?

FRED No. No, not right now, I do not have a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend, but that was before, and right now, at this moment there is no girlfriend in my life.

LOLA Good to know.

FRED And, you?

LOLA I don’t have a girlfriend, I usually don’t go for girls. I mean, I do when there’s money involved but-

FRED (Interrupting) Do you have a boyfriend?

LOLA No.

FRED That’s crazy! I mean, sure you’re a… But you’re so… You’re a knock out! And plus you love doing the whole oral sex thing, so I just though, I expected-

LOLA (Interrupting) The boyfriend thing doesn’t really fit into my lifestyle.

FRED No?

LOLA That surprises you?

FRED I guess not…. So not ever?

LOLA No.

FRED Don’t you get lonely?

LOLA Why do you think I’m here?

FRED Oh… Ooooohhhhh, so you’re thinking of…

FRED drinks.

LOLA Picking up some man candy and using him for a night of torrid sex.

FRED spits.

LOLA (CONTINUED) That one was on me, I should have waited until the coast was clear.

FRED So you’re-

LOLA (Interrupting) Picking you up? Yes.

FRED drinks. LOLA drinks. FRED drinks.

FRED For a night of… Sex?

LOLA Torrid sex.

FRED drinks, swallows.

FRED That sounds pretty awesome.

LOLA You have no idea. Come one, drink up so we can get out of here.

LOLA drinks, finishes HER beer and stands.

FRED Um…

LOLA What?

FRED I don’t think I can.

LOLA You don’t want me?

FRED It’s not that. I do. I want you in a way that makes my body hurt.

LOLA So then what’s going on?

FRED I think I really like you. More than just the night of torrid sex type of way.

LOLA I don’t do boyfriends.

FRED I know.

LOLA I could have picked any of the guys in here. They’d have jumped on me in a snap.

FRED I know.

LOLA Are you going to try and convert me now? Try to get me to hang up my boots and start working at Old Navy?

FRED I don’t think so. But, maybe?

LOLA You’re going to regret this in the morning.

FRED Are you kidding me? I’m regretting this now.

LOLA This is your last shot, you coming or what?

FRED Sorry… No. But maybe you could stay? I’d love to stay and chat some more! Or I could take you out for dinner or-

LOLA exits.

FRED (CONTINUED) Or you could just go find some other guy who isn’t as stupid as me. Yes. Good choice. Good choice indeed.

FRED drinks. LOLA enters, goes to FRED.

LOLA Swallow.

FRED swallows.

LOLA (CONTINUED) Come on, let’s go find some place to eat.

FRED puts down his beer, THEY exit. End of play.

I am behind on my 31 plays. I’m trying to catch up this week and maybe get even get ahead in the game, we’ll see. They Fantasy Club closed on Sunday, so I no longer have a good excuse! So, today I’m writing many plays. Here’s my wake up play….

Hair Battle, a short play by Rachel Bublitz

Characters:

Sarah, f, 30s-40s, any race. Barbara’s daughter-in-law.

Barbara, f, 50s-70s, any race. Sarah’s mother-in-law.

Setting:

A bedroom or living room.

Time:

Now.

BARBARA and SARAH are on stage.

SARAH It’s time to brush your hair.

BARBARA NO!

SARAH I’ll be gentile.

BARBARA NO!

SARAH But we need to get those snarls out.

BARBARA NO!

SARAH Please sit down. Look, I have to brush your hair, Barbara.

BARBARA You’ll hurt me!

SARAH That’s not true. I already told you, I’m going to be gentile.

BARBARA Where’s Frank? I want Frankie!

SARAH Frank has work.

BARBARA He loves me best.

SARAH I love you too Barb.

BARBARA Frankie brushes my hair better.

SARAH He has to work. He can’t brush your hair today, but I can.

BARBARA NO! I HATE YOU!

SARAH Please stop, Barbara, sit down, please.

BARBARA I don’t want you to brush my hair.

SARAH I know. But I’ll be soft, it’ll be nice.

BARBARA You’re not nice.

SARAH You’re only other option is to have short hair. Should we go and get you a hair cut?

BARBARA NO! My hair is long.

SARAH Then sit down.

BARBARA But-

SARAH (Interrupting) Or maybe I can just cut it off myself? Where are those scissors…

BARBARA No! NO! NO! NO! I’m sitting now, see?

SARAH Thank you.

SARAH brushes BARBARA’s hair.

SARAH (CONTINUED) That’s not so bad, right?

BARBARA It hurts.

SARAH Pain is apart of life Barbara. If anyone should know that, it’s you.

End of play.

OH MY GOODNESS! Only two performances left! I’m hoping to spend Monday sleeping, but somehow think my children have other plans… Anyway, The Fantasy Club has tonight and tomorrow night, and then it will just be a hilarious memory amongst the lucky folks who got to see it. SO BUY YOUR TICKETS PEOPLE! We have good crowds for both nights now, but we love squeezing in close with our audience, so help us pack the house! You can get your tickets below or get them at the door.

ALSO, blogger/actor/playwright/director Charles Lewis III has a review up of The Fantasy Club up on his blog! Here are some of my favorite bits:

“Bublitz biggest strength as a playwright is balancing the over-the-top with the realistic.”

“And what fantasies they are! As choreographed by Daunielle Rasmussen, the first act sees each of the four main characters having their greatest sexual desire acted out for the audience’s cringe-worthy pleasure.”

“The performances are a pleasure to watch. The trick of Doherty’s performance as Frances is that she doesn’t want to stray from her marriage, but fate seems to be leading her towards it all the same. Doherty’s performance is nice balance between perky-but-waning optimist in the reality scenes and fiery dominatrix in the fantasies. Also effective are her two male co-stars: Jacob (Rob Dario), who goes from dreamy to anything-but over course of the play; and Max (Tavis Kammet), who clearly gets the funniest fantasy in the entire play.”

“It takes nothing away from the rest of the cast to say that the standout performance is that of Claire Rice as Samantha. As the character who goes through the most painful (and realistic) emotional journey throughout the play, Samantha acts as the harsh super-Ego to Frances’ budding Id. Potter and Rice (an effective director in her own right) make the wise decision to never take character so far out that an audience can’t relate to her, even during her most gut-wrenching scenes. She’s the one character who moves farther and farther away from a happy ending with every scene, yet she’s the one everyone will root for before the play is over.”

Read the whole review here: http://thethinkingmansidiot.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/my-beautiful-dark-twisted-fantasy/

And then BUY YOUR TICKETS!

http://fantasyclub.brownpapertickets.com/*

*You can only get tickets for tomorrow night on Brown Paper Tickets.

Or here:

http://www.goldstar.com/events/san-francisco-ca/the-fantasy-club

See you at the show!